Dylan's thoughts on picking parents

Writing this one down now because I don't want to forget it. Dylan made my day this morning with this:

"Mommy, I love you. I picked you because you're the best mommy in the world. Daddy picked you because he can pick you up over his head."

Summer vacation

This year was the first time in a very long time that we’ve taken a true vacation with the kids. We usually spend our vacation time visiting family (not that there's anything wrong with that -- in case family members are reading). But this year we took the plunge and went to the beach for an entire week.

It. Was. Awesome.

Destination: Massachusetts. Now, being a southern girl, I have to resist the urge to balk at the idea of Massachusetts as a beach destination. But we’ve been Northeasterners for about two and a half years now, so we figured we might as well act like it.

We rented a cute little house in Duxbury, Mass. It’s a suburb of Boston and really not a touristy spot at all. So we slipped into a day in the life of wealthy white families (the town is 98% white – I looked it up. It felt like the whole town had been bleached.). They all knew each other, were incredibly friendly and gracious and by the end of the week we even had some pseudo-friends.

What was so great about the trip was that we were able to mix touristy-stuff with lazy beach days. We made day trips to Boston, Cape Cod and Martha’s Vineyard, but between those we had lazy days filled with sleeping late, playing in the big backyard, teaching the kids to ride their bikes, and going to the beaches. There was a public beach in the town and a tiny private beach at the end of our street that had the most drastic high and low tides I’ve ever seen. Very cool. It was a completely different place depending on what time of day you went.

Bodhi at low tide:

Kids playing at high tide – about 20 feet inland from where Bodhi had been above:


Watching the tide roll in:


What made it even better was that my sister, Karen, and niece, Rachel, came with us! Karen was my buddy while Brian golfed and Rachel was babysitter-extraordinaire who helped entertain the kids while we did other very important things like drink beer and sit on the deck.



The BP oil spill was the backdrop of our trip, so I found it amusing that Martha's Vineyard was seemingly very prepared for a spill of their own:
I tried for a week to get a good picture of Dylan -- he's evasive -- but finally caught one:

So the kid likes to play soccer in his underwear:

Old Silver Beach on Cape Cod. Beautiful:
The only downfall of the vacation is that I’m already ready to go back. Oh well, maybe next year.

(I really dislike Blogger's photo upload tools. For one, every one of these pictures is set at large. Ugh.)

I'm an idiot

Just because I'm an "adult" with "responsibilities" doesn't mean I'm always smart. If I were, I would not be staring blankly at my computer with a massive hangover on a work day.

Dylan-isms

A few more good ones from the boy ...

- "Mommy, soon you and Daddy are gonna fight because he can't cook." (For the record, he can cook and we have never fought over food.)

- I did that "lasterday." He always confuses yesterday with lasterday. I actually heard him say "yesterday" today, and it made me sad that he got it right!

- This conversation happens at least 5 times a week:
Dylan: "Mommy?"
Me: "Mmm-hmm."
Dylan: "Mommy?"
Me: "Yes?"
Dylan: "Mommy?"
Me: "What?!"
Dylan: "Ummm, I forgot."

- On the phone while I was on a trip:
Brian in the background: “Dylan has been going potty all by himself.”
Dylan on the phone to me: “Yeah, I pooped and peed!”
Brian: “Wait, you pooped too?”
Dylan: “Yeah, and peed!”
Brian: “Did you poop just now?”
Dylan: “Yeah, and peed!”
Brian: “You need to ask a grown-up to help you wipe.”
Dylan: [long pause] “Well, it’s already done.”
Brian: “I guess we won’t be skipping the bath tonight.”

- “Kelsie, I love you. You know why I love you?” There’s usually not an answer, or if there is it’s nonsense, like “because you have a green shirt,” but this is one of his (and my) favorite –isms lately.

- "Mooshki" - it's his made up word for things that he loves. As in, "I love you Mooshki" or "you're my mooshki."

- "Celery" - he uses this word as an adjective to describe foods that he doesn't like. I think he means sour. "Yuck, this is too celery."

Kelsie's growing up (and Toy Story spoiler alert)

As Kelsie gets older her milestones are less noticeable. It's easy to spot when a kid has her first crawl, steps, words, etc. But now they're more cognitive and harder to spot. Well, today she showed what I think is real emotional growth.

I took the kids to see Toy Story 3, which had its fair share of scary and sad parts. [SPOILER ALERT!] At the end when Andy is off to college and gives away all the toys to another kid, Kelsie bawled. It was embarrassing. She really sobbed. Loudly. Very loudly.

When we left, after the happy ending that cheered her up, I asked what her favorite part of the movie was. She said it was when Andy gave away the toys. Then she started tearing up again, but was trying to hold in the tears. Through a shakey voice she told me that it was sad for Andy, but happy because the toys had a new home and because the girl had new toys that she loved.

Maybe it's nothing, but I was so proud that she was able to see the point of that scene even though it made her sob like a crazy person. And then to choose that as her favorite part over the funny scenes.

She even made me tear up a little!

Soccer!

Took the kids to their first soccer class today. Kelsie, despite not showing a lot of athletic ability before now, is not half bad! She's competitive and likes to lead the class, no matter what kind of class it is, so she approached soccer the same way. She needs a little practice in controlling the ball, especially if she needs to change its direction, but she could dribble, had a pretty solid concept of defense, and she several goals.




Dylan also had his first soccer class today. This pretty much sums it up:


He often takes some time to warm up to new situations, so he was really shy and didn't participate much. Kelsie held his hand through some of the drills, and when she did that he got really into it -- huge smiles, getting into the fun, and kicking it pretty well -- but otherwise he kept leaving the group and moping.

Oh well, there's always the next class.

His preschool had a baseball-themed party for Father's Day, and Brian keeps claiming that Dylan hit the ball a mile. Some proud-dad exaggeration there, but the kid clearly has some athletic ability.

Winter & random pics

Just some of my favorite pictures from the last few months. No rhyme or reason here:

Something doesn't seem right about this (how this fish is still alive more than a year after we got it is beyond me):

Snow day!





I can't explain this one:

Gymnastics Winter Olympics:

Kelsie's 6th Birthday

Kelsie had an all-girls party at a fondue restaurant. The kids ate cheese and chocolate fondue and we brought in a manicurist to paint and decorate their nails. They also each got to decorate a tiara and were given a little necklace and ring (party favor-style; i.e., cheap plastic jewelry!). The restaurant also had a projection screen where we could show cartoons during the party. Very fun.

Birthday girl!

Friends eating fondue:


Not to be left out, Dylan had his nails painted blue. As you can see from his expression, he was feeling conflicted about the whole thing. Never too young to introduce gender confusion, I say:

Dylan's 3rd Birthday

Catching up on some photos. Here are a few from Dylan's third birthday party in April.

Chuck E. Cheese makes his grand entrance:

The "Cake": (dump truck full of dirt, in keeping with the construction theme)


All the kids wore orange cone party hats:


Feeling like a rock star after Chuck E. Cheese crowned him:

Anatomy lessons

Sorry for all the poop quotes, but ever since potty training, Dylan really likes to talk about it. Here's the latest conversation:

Dylan: "Poop comes out of your butt."

Me: "Out of your bottom."

Dylan: "No, it's your butt. Remember? It has a big hole in it."

Me: "Okay, but say 'bottom.' Butt isn't a very nice word."

Dylan: "Okay, I will ... Mommy, my butt hurts."

Isms

Re-introducing Kelsie-isms. But why should Kelsie have all the fun? I'm also introducing Dylan-isms and Brian-isms.

Kelsie:

* “I feel rusty.” (that’s how she described the achy feeling when she had strep throat)

* “I’ll try not to get my attitude on the other kids’ toys.” (I’ve now stolen this one and adapted it to “don’t get your attitude on me”)

* “We need to go to the store to get Dananinos because they’re really healthy because they have twice the calcium to make my bones strong.” (think she watches any TV?)

* With her pants unbuttoned, unzipped, hanging wide open: “My pants are too tight. They feel okay like this but that’s inappopiate.” (not a typo; she pronounces inappropriate without any Rs)


Dylan:

* He likes to end requests with “RIGHT NOW!” as in “Can you please get me some juicy RIGHT NOW?”

* “I lub you really much”

* He always refers to his sister as “my Kelsie,” which of course makes me melt

* “I have to poop all the time and it goes plop.” (he was very distraught about this)

* Said to one teacher about another teacher: “I want Miss Brittany. I want to kiss her.”

* "Mommy, you're a princess. But you don't look like a princess."


Brian:

* Nobody likes smart women, so you should tone that down.

* Damn, it’s 9:45 already and I still have to poop.

* The next to last piece of bacon is sad because you know you’re only gonna have one piece of bacon left.


These are just from the last few days so they're top of mind. I'll post new -isms as they come up. We're also finally going to give in and get a new camera this weekend (or at least shop for one) so I can start posting pictures again soon.

And Dylan's getting a Big Boy Room this weekend. Poor kid is still in a crib! He just has never tried to climb out and it has never seemed to bother him, so we didn't see any reason to introduce the freedom to get out of bed whenever he wanted. But at some point it has to become a mild form of child abuse to leave a kid in a crib too long.

Nice little weekend.

Dealing with the death of a child

I’ve been abnormally saddened lately about the death of a child who I never knew. Having never met this family (until after the fact), I can’t quite figure out why this has affected me so strongly. Best I can figure, it’s because their family looks on paper very similar to ours – 5 year old girl and 2-year old boy (the ages of our kids when it happened a few weeks ago), they live in Hoboken close to us, the father plays golf with Brian and the mother is a career woman (lawyer). It also probably has to do with the fact that this boy died of cancer. Totally unpreventable. Completely random in who it attacks and why. Utterly unfair.

I’ve known, or known of, other families who have lost children but I’ve never felt so wounded by any of their stories. Probably because in most other cases it was explainable and therefore easy for me to tell myself that I could prevent that from happening in my family. Whether that’s true or not, it’s a convenient delusion. But in this case a young boy, just 2 months younger than Dylan, woke up one day unable to move his arm. Tests found a stage 4 tumor wrapped around his spine. He spent the next 7 weeks undergoing radiation until the tumor crippled the nerves that affected his vital organs.

Still today, two months later, I think about this family every single day – how heart wrenching it must be for the parents to have to go through the motions of the daily grind, how did they explain it to their daughter, how do they learn to be a family of three again, how can they resume a normal life, how do they avoid reminders of him. When my kids hit a milestone or have a memorable moment, I think about the fact that this family won’t have that moment with their boy. When I lose my temper with my kids, I try to remind myself how grateful this family would be to be in my situation. I’m terrified that something like this could happen to us.

When it first happened I couldn’t sleep, I cried every day for a week, and I was completely distracted at work. Part of me feels selfish for letting it get to me like this. What a luxury for me to be able to cry and then comfort myself by hugging both of my kids. Something these parents – the ones who really need comforting – can’t do. I guess all I can hope for is that this family can somehow find a source of comfort and strength to move on, but they will never get over it.

I met the mother the other day. I was amazed at how … together … she seemed. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I have so much respect for the way she carried herself. She was strong and confident, well-dressed and accessorized. She even looked rested. But occasionally I’d see her mind wandering during a conversation and during those times she looked tired to the bone, but otherwise you never would have known. How is that possible?

Brian has seen the father a few times, who also seems to be holding up relatively well. Or at least faking it well. They played golf the other day (at a golf tournament that was renamed this year in honor of the little boy, and happened to be played the day before what would have been his third birthday) and the father had a rough morning but apparently was composed the rest of the day. I don’t think I could be that strong.

This family will probably never know how they’ve affected me. I’ve realized how lucky my family is (because luck is the only way I can explain it). I now have a role model for how to be strong, or at least appear that way, when times get tough. And I have perspective to accept what we have and acknowledge that no matter how frustrating things can be, it could be far worse.

Now if I could just stop tearing up every time I think about him … (I’m sure they feel the same way).

I'm BACK!

The last year has been intensely busy so some things had to give – I stopped volunteering for Kelsie’s school (though to say I was ever an “active” volunteer might be a stretch), and I simply ran out of energy for the blog. Our camera has also had a slow and painful death, which has slowed down some of my posting as well. Excuses, excuses.

Bottom line is I like having this blog – it’s my own form of scrapbooking, it’s fun for me and sometimes cathartic – and I’ve missed it. So I’m back.

I’ll admit, another thing that has slowed me down from jumping back in is that I don’t know where to start. Almost a full year of holidays, birthdays, milestones, priceless quotes, and just everyday laughs and hassles has passed. There’s no way I can remember and report on all of it, but here’s a quick recap:

• Kelsie turned 6 – she had an all girls birthday party (plus Dylan) at a fondue restaurant where the girls enjoyed cheese, chocolate and manicures. Very fun.

• Dylan turned 3 – a boy to the extreme, he wanted a construction truck theme. We did it at Chuck E. Cheese (never again!) and instead of a cake we filled a big toy dump truck with brownies to look like dirt.

• Kelsie is about to graduate from kindergarten – she is a born student. She loves school and has tested at a 2nd grade reading level. She’s a bit of a teacher’s pet (okay, she an enormous teacher’s pet and will get her ass kicked one day), but for now it’s serving everyone well.

• Dylan is thriving at preschool, the same one Kelsie went to. They always tell us he’s the happiest kid in the school. He apparently reserves all his tantrums just for us.

• They’ve been taking gymnastics classes. Kelsie approaches it like everything else – she wants to show the teacher that she can be the first to complete the task. Grace is not her style. Dylan considers it a playground of sorts, so he wants to run and play and doesn’t like having to wait his turn or listen to his teacher. Switching to soccer soon.

• Kelsie lost her first tooth (bottom right; the tooth fairy brought $1)

• We are officially done with diapers now that Dylan decided he’s potty trained at the ripe old age of 3+ (he was the last hold-out at his school – they threw a pizza party when everyone was out of pull-ups; why are my kids late potty trainers?)

That doesn’t even scratch the surface, but I think that covers some of the big things.

Heavy thinking

I don't remember how it came up, but during dinner last night we started talking about gravity. We were trying to explain that if we didn't have gravity we would all float around. Her immediate, completely serious response:

"Well, that wouldn't be good because then we wouldn't be able to watch cartoons or open presents."

My preschool graduate!

Kelsie's preschool graduation was today. She has been counting down the days all week. I'm proud to report that I didn't cry, but Kelsie and I were both on the verge a couple times. She took the whole thing very seriously. They did a performance and ceremony, and throughout the whole thing she kept perfect posture and kept her hands folded in her lap. Big day. Too tired to write clever captions for each photo, so I'll let them speak for themselves.

This is the "Frogs on a Log" performance:


Pomp and circumstance:








And if you're still interested, here are more pictures and the school's blog: http://picasaweb.google.com/ParkPrepAcademy/PPAGraduation2009#
http://www.parkprepacademy.com/blog.html

Dylan and Me

A friend recently described Dylan as the human version of Marley (as in, the dog in Marley and Me). The more I think about it, that's a perfect description of him. Rambunctious and overly energetic. Doesn't always think through his inexplicable, and occasionally destructive, actions. But on the other hand, he's loving, cuddly, affectionate, loyal, protective, funny, and shows an enormous love for life.

Dylan is kind of becoming ... dare I say it ... the easy kid. As Kelsie prepares for her preschool graduation this Friday she is testing her limits and pushing lots of buttons. Dylan is now talking farely well, which I think has lowered his frustration level a lot. So he is a little calmer, not as quick to burst into a tantrum and his sweet side is showing through more and more.

He'll often stop what he's doing to give a spontaneous hug and say "I yuv you." When we were at the beach recently I was laying on my stomach on the towel and he sat down next to me, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, patted my back, leaned into me so I couldn't avoid making eye contact with him and gave me a very warm smile -- it was such a protective, secure, happy gesture. It just floored me.

And he's developing quite a sense of humor. The other day I told him he was my baby boy and he said, "No, you're a baby boy!" and then cracked himself up. Just today he barked at a dog and then told me, "Mommy, I too funny!"

So I'll gladly put up with some of his quirks (as all moms do for their kids) because he not only makes up for them with his loving behaviors, he even makes them endearing because they're part of the balance that make him Dylan.

Beach Trip!

We had an interesting experience last weekend. It was finally warm enough to head to the beach! Brian found a great deal for a half price hotel room at a beach that's about an hour drive from here. When we got about 5 minutes from the beach, Kelsie threw up in the new (used) car. Guess that's the appropriate way to break in a new car when you have kids. Turned out to be motion sickness and she was fine a few minutes later.

Then we got to the hotel to find out it was gay pride weekend there! So we saw some interesting outfits and the kids liked all the rainbow flags, but other than that they didn't notice anything unusual. They were sound asleep before we started hearing the raucous parties around the hotel.

But overall it was a great trip. The weather was just barely warm enough, although the water was FREEZING. After a few hours at the beach we went to the boardwalk for burgers and mini golf (Kelsie loved it, Dylan did not respect the game).

Not really getting the point of the goggles:

Hard at work:

Totally normal kids:

Very pensive:

He thought the object of the game was to go retrieve our golf balls after we putted, and kindly take them to the hole for us and drop them in. So we got a lot of holes in 1. Set some kind of record, I think.

Identical sleepers, crashed after a hard day:

Siblings

I wish this sibling love fest would last forever ...

Kelsie's 5th Birthday

I can't believe it's been 5 years since I was introduced to the wonder of the epidural. Kelsie is very proud that she is now the only 5-year-old at her school (which of course means she's in charge, according to her). Of her 5 birthdays so far, I'd say this was her best. We brought donuts in to her school for a little celebration and dance party there. Then a couple days later we had a laid back birthday party at the playground.

Birthday celebration at her school: Her main present from us was this scooter, which she says is her "favorite thing in the whole wide world." She asked me to take a picture of her looking surprised: We also gave her a fish, which she has named Blue Purple Star. She has completely disowned our other pets in favor of this one. We have since learned that we were overfeeding the fish, as you can see by all the food at the bottom of the bowl that is making the water cloudy. Oops.
And now to her birthday party. We had a party at our "secret park," which she so named because it's at the end of a dead end street and no one knows about it. It's small but nice and completely fenced in, which made it an easy place to let a bunch of preschoolers loose. The kids played on the playground and with our bubble machine, sidewalk chalk and pinata, while the adults enjoyed wine and cheese and crackers. Turned out to be a really good day for everyone.

Amazingly, no one got hurt. Even with the pinata:


She was insistent on having an M&M cake. No clue where she got that idea, but it turned out to be a good one. She nearly had a major meltdown when the other kids were blowing out the candles before she got a chance, but it worked out. Dylan had other ideas for the bubble machine: Not his manliest moment:
Great day. She's still on overload from all of the great presents she got. We even hid several of them to save for a rainy day, but it's still enough to completely throw off her routine. She has pitched a fit every evening this week because she wants to play instead of go to bed. Hoping we'll get that back on track this week. Wish us luck.